Friday, August 3, 2012

Somebody Has To Say It

Thought I would update you on my son John's progress.  He is still in congestive heart failure, but they can't operate until the lesions in his brain heal and his body is cleared of the infection.  AHCCCS insisted he be sent home while waiting for this.  It's dangerous, his heart could stop anytime since only one third of his heart is working.

Each day means he is that much closer to having the problem fixed.  He enjoys being home with his kids and wife.  He says he rests better, but he does have bad days and good days.  Days when it seems to take more energy then he has to breathe.  The pain of the fluid in his lungs will sometimes keep him awake and the pain medication only works for so long.

A nurse comes in daily to check on him and he makes visits to the doctor's offices, labs and etc.

John is shocked to how weak he is and how just a few steps leaves him breathless.  Wendy, his wife pushes him around in a wheel chair.  The heart doctor doesn't want John putting more exertion on the heart then he has too.

Please continue praying for John to have a full recovery.

Now to what I have learned in the last few months.

As a baby boomer, I had always thought the systems we had put into place to take care of people who have wound up in financial difficulties would be there if I ever needed them.

WRONG!  It has been a shock to find out all these systems have been cut back due to the recession.  For people without children at home, no longer is there any help for them.

You can't really blame the states for the cut backs.  I mean if the money isn't there, it isn't there.

But that leaves a sour taste in our mouth when we think of all the taxes we have paid through the years and expecting there would be help when we need it.

I had been wondering why when the news covered the people in the hospital after the shooting in Colorado, they always made it a point to mention the patient didn't have insurance.  In my blind Pollyanna mode, I thought they could go on state assistance and their bill would be covered.  That no longer happens. 

AHCCCS and welfare are no longer available for people without children at home.  If the family of three bring in over $400 a month, they are not eligible for well fare.  Now think about how much it would cost to feed and house.  I mean there is all the essentials that are needed and in this day and age, that money will not go far.

I wonder sometimes if this is what the Mayans were talking about.  Their calender ends this December and they spoke of major upheaval.  Well isn't this a major upheaval, that all the systems we had in place to help are gone?

I apply at least to two jobs a day and yet I haven't received any calls.  It is like being here all alone.  Remember the old movies where after the atomic bomb, a couple come out of their shelters and find out they are the only ones left for miles around?  Yeah, it feels like that.

No longer is job hunting a one on one bases.  It is all on the computer and very impersonal.  Half the time you only know the city where the job is located and in this part of Arizona, it could be a long drive.

Did that, have the tee shirt and I don't want to do it again.  My last job I had to drive an hour both ways.  Ugh!!  But I would once again take a job like that.  It is desperate times and we always do what we say we want do when we are desperate.

The future doesn't look that great for us or our kids.  The world has really become a harsh, hard place to live.

Families living in cars and us baby boomers trying to hold on with tooth and nails only to have a foot on a banana peel.

So maybe as neighbor's, friends and family we need to realize it is up to us to take care of each other.  We have gone back into time when this was a necessity and norm and believe it or not we are there again.   This could be the beginning of more then once generation living under the same roof as they did years ago.

I know we parents do not want to be a burden to our children and we are prepared to walk away and live on the streets if we have too. 

But hopefully we all have a few more cards we can play before we fold our hands.

Sorry this is such a sad tale, but I am depressed and I needed to get this off my chest.  I am trying not to stress, Lord have mercy I don't need a heart attach right now.  I definitely couldn't afford it.   LOL, as you can see the Pollyanna streak goes deep.

See you around the block.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The Story Continues

I am a dreamer and what this means I see the world in a different light then it really is.  In my world every thing is rosy and everyone looks out for each other.  A helping hand is always near and a friend is always close by.  You have a job you enjoy and money to pay your bills with enough left over to buy food and maybe a movie once in a while.

To my shock that world really doesn't exist and each time real life slaps me in the face I am shocked. 

Being a dreamer all my life has brought problems.  I seem to make the wrong choices sometimes and as such wind up in the refuse pile, to put it nicely.

I always think things will work out, but they don't and I should have learned that by now, but I never seem to learn the lesson. 

The Pollyanna, Mary Poppins side of me keeps getting control and WHAM I am knocked down.  But being the stubborn dreamer I am, I pick myself up and continue on, thinking magic is just around the corner.

Life at the moment sucks big time!!  Bills are coming due and I am trying to pull money out of thin air.  Has that ever worked?

The story continues and my son John is still in the hospital.  The doctors are trying to get him stabilized and then they can do open heart surgery to fix the valve that has stopped working.

The doctors are worried that John's heart will give out, because the part of the heart that isn't use to having to work so hard is now having to do all the work.

They are having a hard time getting John stable.  His lungs are still full of fluid, his kidney's aren't working as good as they should and his oxygen level keeps falling.

There are about eight doctors connected to John's care.  Each one specializing in a different area of the body.

The doctors read the lab results and look at all the scans and when they enter John's room they expect to find this man lying there near death.

To their surprise they find a man sitting up fighting with all he has to stay on God's green earth.  John is skin and bones now, but he refuses to give up.

Wendy says John is very stubborn and I tell her he got a double dose from his dad and I. 

Wendy is very confident, John will improve and he will beat the odds and she is also hopeful money will appear to pay the house payment and etc.

Hmm, makes me wonder if Wendy is also a dreamer. 

But I must admit, John looks good even though he is skin and bones.  He is still alert and shows an interest in what is happening with his family outside the hospital room.  So I am also expecting the best and John will outlive his mother the way it should be.

Please continue to pray.

See you around the block.


Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Prayers are Needed

The past three months I have been worried about my oldest son.  He has been sick and the doctors could not find out what was wrong.  They ran every test they could think of, but nothing showed up.

My oldest son John looked and acted like a man whose batteries have run down and no one remembered to plug him back in to charge him up.

He has been so sick, he hasn't been able to work and he is self employed.

Lord, his brothers and his sister worried about him also.

Just by luck as the infectious disease doctor said, last Friday they took his blood at the right time and the doctor in the ER decided to have a blood culture done.

Low and behold, John had a very bad blood infection that involved his whole body and his heart.

For the last ten years John has suffered with TCM, which is a heart disease where one muscle is bigger (thicker) then the other muscles in his heart.  It causes the valve that sends blood to his lungs not to work right.  He has been able to control the problem with medication.

Unfortunately that is the valve the infection attached. 

Now, John has congested heart failure and they are putting off surgery of replacing the damaged value, hoping to be able to get the infection out of his body.  They see spots of infection in his lungs, spleen, kidneys and etc.

It's like playing Russian Roulette at the moment.

I sit in the hospital room with his family worrying and watching every short breath John takes.  Praying that the infection will soon be gone and they can do the surgery and John will have the strength to make it through.

His own children and wife are holding back the tears, trying to be brave and strong for John.  Wendy his wife hasn't left his side since he was admitted to the hospital.

Wendy gives him such tender care and love, trying to make sure he is as comfortable as he can be.  She never leaves the room and it is up to her children to make sure she eats by bringing her food.

The children try to take care of their mom, while she cares for their dad.

Wendy and John have been together since she was sixteen and he was eighteen.  They have been together twenty three years and never has the love between them wavered.

Only God knows what will happen.

John is so tired of being sick and worn out and also he is bothered by the bills he can not pay, because there isn't any money coming into the home.  He apologized yesterday to me, because he uses two of my credit cards for his company and there are large balances on them. 

I told him it was okay, life was a game of dice and this time the roll wasn't in our favor.  We would survive this and begin the long climb back to the top of the dog pile.

But Lord, I hate seeing him suffer.  I think this is the hardest part of being a parent, watching your child suffer and unable to help them.  Unable to take the pain away.

I don't think there is a parent alive who wouldn't give their own life for their child, much less an arm or a leg.  Because no matter how old your child gets, he is still your baby boy and you love him with all your heart.

We need this very important man in our lives and we are hanging onto him as tightly as we can.

I am asking, no I am begging for your Prayers for John.  Please pray for a full recovery.

Thank you!

See you around the block.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Another Day

Haven't been around for a while, but I have a good excuse (I think it is a good excuse)  I have been looking for a job.

So far I have received one email telling me they will keep my resume on file and the rest of the time dodging every salesman and their dog on the phone.  Seems once your resume is out there, it is no hold bars.

I mean really people, let's take a minute to think here.  Why would I buy something?  For God sakes I am looking for a job!  Which means I do not have the money to buy what ever you are offering.  Let's get real, OKAY!!!

Geez,  the world seems to be filled with fools and I have a bad feeling I may be the leader.  LOL!

I miss the old days, looking in the newspaper for a job and driving to the office to hand your resume in personally.  It seems so impersonal now and every salesman in the world has your phone number.

I want a job in the business world.  I am so burnt out from teaching and all the hours I had to put in on my own time.  Teaching is not a forty hour work week, let me tell you.  More like eighty.

Yes, I see the teaching positions being advertised, but guess what?   They are all a distance from me.  I do not want to be driving for an hour to get to my work place.

Thirty minutes top would be fantastic!  Okay, maybe forty five with traffic.

Then I have been looking at medical coder jobs and wondering if I shouldn't go back to school to become certified in it.  Questions, questions, questions!

I am good on a computer and learn quickly on it, so the job would fit me well.  I'll have to think about it some more.  I wish I could find on job training in some field, besides fast food.

My writing is in a slump, since I'm spending all my time looking for a job and I can't write when I am depressed, which I am at this moment.  Damn!

Oh yeah, to change subject, I read an article recently about high fructose corn syrup and how it is making us all fat.  I agreed with that, but should we lump regular sugar in with this?  Before HFCS was added to our food, people used regular sugar and didn't have a weight problem unless they over indulged.  I don't care if they break down the same way in the body.  What I care about is HFCS damages the liver and makes you feel hungrier.  The signals don't reach your brain that you are full. 

The article said people really weren't eating more in general, but they were gaining weight.  Go figure.  I try not to buy anything with HFCS in it and use regular sugar sparingly.  For a gallon of ice tea, I only use a quarter cup of sugar.  Put the sugar in while the tea is hot and it tastes like you used more.

My walking is starting to pay off.  I can climb stairs now without huffing and puffing.  I sprint half and then walk the rest.  I would have done a victory dance the first time I did this, but I didn't want the people at the mall thinking I was crazy.  But inside I was dancing. 

Isn't it amazing how the little things can bring such pleasure?

I seem to have reached a plateau in my weight loss, but I will keep plugging away.  It is bound to start going down again.  The last two weeks, I've stayed at the same weight, but I must admit I fell off the wagon a few times.  Depression you know?  Chocolate!!!

This is all I can complain about right now.  OH, except Madonna showing her tits.  Really, you would think she was old enough to know better.  One tit looks like another tit and I'm sure they don't buy CDs because you bared your boobsThe music should be more important.

See you around the block.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Science Fiction

I signed up to do Camp Nanowrimo and as usual I forgot to consider what else I needed to do besides that.

You are suppose to be working on you WIP, writing as many words as you can and at the end of your writing session you put in the words you added to your WIP that day.

Sounds easy, doesn't it?  Nah!  It is turning out harder than I thought.  Holy Moly you would think I could write thousands of words a day.  It is not happening!

Plus you are suppose to do this everyday no matter what.  I am finding life is getting in the way.

I mean, I am also trying to find a day job to support my habit of eating, paying bills and etc.

I haven't had to hunt for a job in a long time and let me tell you things have changed out there.

It is all so techo, science fi now.

Everything is done on the computer.  Looking for the job, applying for the job.  I don't know about the interviewing yet, since I haven't had one.

Looking for a job is taking up more of my time then I remember it taking years ago.

Which means, instead of writing I am checking out job sites that have emailed me about new jobs being posted.

I have to say this job search seems so impersonal than it use too.

I can hardly wait for my first interview and see if it happens on the computer.  LOL

My resume is posted all over the place let me tell you. 

The question is, is anyone seeing it?   I think hunting for a job is like fishing and you go home empty handed.

I keep telling myself something will come alone.  I hope it is sooner than later.

But, I keep hoping my books will start selling like hot cakes and I want have to worry about a day job.

I can dream can't I?

Buy my books, please!

See you around the block.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

A Painting Good Time

As a kid, I took art lesson and painted pictures in oils.  I really enjoyed these lessons, but as times passed and I became busy with life, I put my art aside.

Every few years I get the itch to paint once again and some years ago I changed to acrylics because the clean up was so much easier.

The itch has been itching the last few weeks and it has been YEARS since I have picked up a brush.

I have been saving pictures on pinterest to paint one day and I thought today would be the day I would do one.

WRONG, in so many ways.

I am out of practice.  I haven't even done sketches or coloring in a color book.  I really need to think these things through.

So I dig out my easel, my bucket of paints and paint brushes.  Sit up a table and realize somewhere along the way I have lost my painters tray (you know the thing painters hold in their hand with their paint on it).

Had to think for a few minutes and decided to use one of my white plates.  Acrylic paint should wash off easily with soap and water.  I will not be ruining a plate.

First, the only tube I have of brown feels soft, but I can't squeeze the paint out of the tube.  I guess it must have turned into rubber. DARN, DARN!

I hook up my lap top near where I will be painting and bring up one of the pictures I wanted to paint.  I had the dickens of a time deciding which one to do.

Finally I settled on one and squirted the colors of paint I would need and left room to mix the paint to make other colors on the glass plate.

Pulled a blank canvas out of my closet and I am ready, but remembered I needed a container to hold water to put the brushes into when I finished with them.

Dug through the trash, because I remembered there was a can in there.  Washed it up and filled it half full of water. 


Did I tell you usually on an easel there is a chain that keeps the three legs from spreading too far apart from each other and the ledge that holds the canvas?  Mine is missing, but I figure I can still use it.  I mean really, why should the legs spread apart on my laminate floor?

Painting away, having a merry old time when suddenly the legs spread and the picture falls against my breasts.

Thank God I am still wearing my pajamas, which no one ever sees.  Because now I have a painted pajama top.  UGH!

Removing the canvas from my lap, I hold it with one hand and with the other I pull the legs back to the correct position.

Sit canvas back on easel and realize now I not only have the impressions of my breasts on the painting, I also have my thumb print.

Grabbing a dry brush I try to smooth out the damage.  Problem is acrylic paints dry quickly.  I knew there was a reason in the back of my mind I was wishing I had oils.  They are so much easier to blend and do a number of little things you can do with acrylics.  The problem is oil brushes are more work to clean and you have to use smelly things to clean them.

Needless to say Van Gogh does not have to worry.  My picture looks like a kindergarten painted it.

Grabbing more white I paint out the whole canvas and decide to start over.  I mean why stop now, I have paint all over me.

Second painting looks horrible and I don't like it.  I started dipping the brush in the different colors on my plate and paint out the scene I just painted.

Now the canvas looks like a crazy colored sunset.  I grab my painter's knife, the paint is thick and I figure I will sketch in some trees.  I love trees with their twisted branches.

I stare at my sketch and decide it needs something.  When I step back you can't see the sketches.

I grab my fan brush and dip it in the remaining colors, adding leaves to my skeletal trees.  It's interesting, but my what I really wanted and I continue to dab more paint until I have a MESS.

I grab my blending brush and blend all the paint, obscuring the trees I had sketched in.  Looking at my canvas I now have a muddled mess of colors

I think it is time to call it a day.  My foot is itching to be put through the canvas.

I clean up and put everything away.  Hopefully next time I try this, I will have a more concrete idea of what I really want to do and I am capable of doing it.

Yeah, I know, I live in la la land.

I really need to practice!

What is happening in your world?

See you around the block.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Diets Galore

As you know I have been following weight watchers old point plan and WALKING my buns off.

You would think with all that WALKING I would lose more than a half a pound a week.  I mean REALLY!

I tried just eating at the lower range of the points, only lost a half a pound.

I ate at the mid range point, only lost a half a pound.

And I've tried the high end of the points, only lost a half a pound.

I am not a happy camper, especially when family, friends tell me they lost four pounds or etc on their diets.  UGH!!

BUT, a half a pound a week adds up to two pounds a month which in turn adds up to twenty four pounds a year.

I need to remind myself of this a lot.  Other wise I will become very discouraged.

My son loaned me his book on the Paleo Diet and I read through it.  Now this diet cuts out all grains, dairies and legumes.

I went on line to see if I could find more information about this diet and found there are several interpretations of the Paleo Diet.

And of course they contradict each other in some areas.

It seems each diet around goes from one extreme to the other.

There is the vegan diet, the raw food diet, and etc.

AND I know I need a diet I can live on the rest of my life.  So really it has to fit in my life and pattern of eating.

 So I have researched and read everything I could find on nutrition on the web and I have come to a conclusion, NO ONE, not scientists, nutritionist or lay person knows what is really good for us.  It is all a guessing game.

Each of us is different and our bodies seem to use the food we take in, in different ways.  What seems to be good for one person is not great for another person.

The only thing agreed upon is processed foods aren't really that great for us.  Okay, but in our fast paced world, sometimes processed foods are all we have time for.

My conclusion is moderation in all things is the key.  So I will stay on the points system, try to eat less processed foods and more fresh.  I will dance with glee for each half a pound I lose, knowing I can live on this plan, because of course I can cheat once in a while and still lose my half a pound.  I mean really there are times I would kill for a chocolate chip cookie from Paradise Bakery.

Still working on my WIP because the characters are not behaving and doing a lot of WALKING.

Drop a line and let me know what you are doing.

See you around the block.